You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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