I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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