Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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