Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
