I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
