Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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