sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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