He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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