you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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