I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
zippers are such a cool invention
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
