God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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