.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
