he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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