I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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