Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
