I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
