Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
