he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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