grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The Olympian is in my bed
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