Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
