3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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