next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
