you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
