The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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