it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
