you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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