Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
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i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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