I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
