oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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