i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
