How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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