I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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