Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
