he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
