I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Randomize
