I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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