Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
