but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
