If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
