was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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