I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
