I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How's work?
Spinning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
