we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
