who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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