some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
