have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
