Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
