Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
