And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
