so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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