the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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