did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need a beard to bite.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
