Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
