headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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