yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The Olympian is in my bed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
