I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
