omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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