STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
