its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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