I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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