Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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