And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
