Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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