Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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