The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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