____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
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Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
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You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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