I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
