ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
A bitchslap is in order.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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