i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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