if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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