I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
