I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
