Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
