I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
