The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
