It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
