One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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