so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize