Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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