It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it was like eating out sand paper
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
