I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize