Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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